How May I Help You?

Most people I know have had “incidents” with customer service. I consider this to be normal for others. However, this is not normal for me. Let me give you a recap of my dealings with those in the service industry just in the past week.

Last Saturday: We decided to order pizza. My favorite chain-restaurant pizza is Papa Johns. We never ate Papa Johns in Atlanta because there was not one anywhere near our ghetto. Imagine my delight when I saw one just ten minutes away. I looked up the number and gave them a call. I gave my address, then the two major cross-streets out here in the desert. The salesgirl then told me that they couldn’t deliver to me because I am about ¼ of a mile outside of the delivery area. I’m okay with this and then proceed to say, “Then I need to place an order for pick-up. . .”CLICK. She had hung up on me. I call back immediately and get the same person. She starts the whole spill about needing my address. I tell her that I’m the same guy that she just hung up on. She quickly responds “No I didn’t.” Anyway, I picked up the pizza myself 25 minutes later.

Ongoing: We still do not have cable, thus no home internet. Every time I call the cable company, the customer service rep of the hour explains that my address is not in their system and that the lines have been not been run. Then, he is quick to tell me that it’s not their fault, but that of the builder of my community. So, I call the builder, he quickly blames the cable company. It turns out that it’s a contractor of the cable company that has not run the lines. Regardless, cable keeps pushing the earliest possible date two weeks.

(As mentioned above, “someone else’s fault”. I have encountered this numerous times since moving to Nevada. Most people I deal with here are very defensive about EVERYTHING. Everyone is quick to tell me that it’s not their fault. This was also evident at my workplace. It was so bad that I had to call a meeting to tell them that I never want to hear those words again, but rather solutions. And now, on with the story.)

Yesterday afternoon: The post office. I’m sure this is a shocker for everyone. As our condo is in a construction zone, our mailbox is inaccessible. As a result, our mail is held at the post office and we have to go pick it up. Keep in mind that I live in one of the fastest growing areas in the country. Many others are in my situation, so the wait at the post office to pick up the mail is about 45 minutes on average. We had put it off for a week and thought we might should see if there was anything pressing. So, I wait in the line. I finally made it to the front, and the clerk was gone back to get my mail when the fire alarm went off. A supervisor came running out screaming everyone out. I’m cringing because my mail was so close to being delivered. They would not let me have it and we all had to retreat to the parking lot. I waited in the hot sun (remember I do live in Nevada now and we are already in the mid-90s) for 10 minutes when the supervisor informed us that it could be a long time because she didn’t know what was going on.

Last night: We went to Wal-Mart after dinner to return a ceiling fan that I had bought that was complete with stripped screws. (I’m not very handy anyway, so you can imagine how pissed I was over those screws). So, we get in to Wal-Mart and the line at the customer service desk is unusually short. I tell Mrs. MoN, “I’m just going to get a refund then we’ll buy another one so I don't have to stand in line again.” The customer service manager convinces me not to do this because it will be easy to do an easy swap-out. I reluctantly agree, and leave the ceiling fan in pursuit of another one. Of course, they were out of the fan that I originally bought, so I had to get another one that was $4 more. By the time we get back to the front of the store, there are 20 people in line. We wait forever. I’m kicking myself over this one.

I tell all these stories because this is the way of my life in any situation where I am forced to depend on others. This is not extraordinary, this is a typical week in my life. I’m scared to think about what we and the cable company will go through before we are actually hooked up. Plus next week we are getting new driving licenses and car tags, so I’m sure that will go smoothly.

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Other tidbits from my new life in the desert.

Our dog, Jack Pete made it in Thursday night. He arrived via air cargo, and it’s good to have him back. Our backyard is just dirt though, and he couldn’t do his business out there. So, I try to find some pine straw to put on the ground because that’s what we had in Atlanta. After calling every home improvement store and nursery in the area, I realized that you can’t get it in the desert. Further more, most of the people I talked to did not even know what it was (I guess that comes from there being no trees out here.)

One day this week the weather man on the local news said that the humidity was a “whopping 15%”. Obviously someone who has never been to the South.

Kroger is known as “Smiths.” But don’t worry, you can still use the Kroger card there. (As if you were worried about my grocery savings!)

Even incorrect grammar here is different. The big mistakes that I hear are “these ones” and “those ones”. I had never heard that before moving out here. Oh, and several of my co-workers say the term “inputteded.” I assume they are trying to convey the past tense of input.

Tidbits

Move status: Almost all boxes are unboxed. The piano got a small ding, but moving insurance should cover the repair. The dishwasher and oven both are not working, but Sears should be out today to fix.

We have no cable yet, and it will probably be weeks because we have new construction. As a result, I have a flat screen television with a pair of rabbit ears hanging off of it. I can get three channels well and I can watch one more if it is a show that I really want to see. It brings back horrible nightmares of my growing-up days in Mississippi before we had cable. We had the large pole antenna above our house. To get certain stations (the selection was all of five) my dad would stand outside twisting the pole while one of us screamed, “a little more, a little more, wait, no, a little more, stop. You missed it, go back a little. . . . . . . .”.

Injuries: I missed the bottom step yesterday with a box full of books. I may have twisted my ankle, but I’m figuring out that the worst part is the massive carpet burn I sustained. One good thing is that Mrs. MoN let me have the couch last night and waited on me hand and, well, foot, literally.

Baby MoN and Jack Pete (you didn’t forget my dog did you?) arrive next week. Then this relocation from hell will finally be over.

ION

If you are one of my faithful readers, you’ll recall how I compared my Mississippi home with my more recent one in Atlanta based on the stores. Mississippi had a “Discount Shoes and Gutters” store while Atlanta had “Wigs and Beepers.” Well, apparently this is not just a Southern thing. Last week there was a robbery here in Las Vegas at the “Exotic Birds and Batteries” store. The combinations are endless. . . .

Have a good Easter weekend.

The end of the marathon is near; I’m tired, the finish lines keeps moving and I’m afraid my toenails are about to fall off!

The catchy title has bits of truth in every word. I’ve heard that many runners lose their toe nails after a marathon. I’m having feet problems that I’m sure stem from the week-to-week hotel I shower in, but that’s a different story.

Okay, I’m sorry I left. I needed time to have 27 mental breakdowns. It will take me a while to catch you up, I’m not sure if it will be in this post or not. I have to get up in a few hours but I can’t bring myself to go to bed. I’m not sure if anyone still checks here for a post—but I’ll do this as a trial run to see.

The house closing was today. I say the closing, but it really wasn’t. Nevada has some crazy rules for buying a house. Here are the highlights:

Final walkthrough: Dented refrigerator, which I was going to let slide until I kept getting pissed off so I told them it had to be replaced. At one point when I was pointing out paint touch ups the guy told me that “over 100 hands worked on your house” and we can’t be sure of everything that happened. Very consoling to a new homeowners. Plus, the pre-wire for two ceiling fans in the other bedrooms was missing. I pointed out that this could have been avoided if they had scheduled my pre-wallboard wiring walkthrough AFTER they had finished the wiring.

Funds: It took me 30 minutes to get a bank certified check because I finally had to call my bank back in Atlanta to temporarily raise my ATM limit so my new bank here could give me the money.

Title company: The signer (what they’re called in the business) came in and never even introduced herself. 10 minutes later she was in a shouting fight with my realtor. We almost walked out. The realtor actually did walk out and hunted down this woman’s supervisor. She was pulled out for a few minutes and came back in with a different attitude. PLUS, the lending company tried to sneak in an addendum that was not discussed. At that point I refused to sign until it was taken care of.

Possession: We were supposed to have the keys Monday. Now they’re saying Tuesday or Wednesday. This was another huge fight between the builder and me. I was really pissed this time because of. . . .

The movers: I should add that they are not at fault here. I scheduled the movers for Tuesday after confirming THREE F#$KING TIMES with the builder. The movers are coming from Wisconsin because that’s where every possession I have is in storage (long story, don’t ask). So, we were able to put them off for 1 day, but Wednesday is all they have. If we don’t get the keys that morning, they have to pull out that night to be in Phoenix on Saturday. Yes, I’m still uncertain how that’s going to go.

So, that was my day. I got to the office at 3:30 because my boss had been calling my cell phone. Of course he’s in Atlanta, so I missed him.

ION. My baby turned 1 today. She’s in Mississippi where she and Mrs. MoN have been staying with grandparents since I’m living in a rathole. I’m devastated that I wasn’t there, but I’m flying back tomorrow for her big party on Saturday. Hopefully by next weekend we’ll all be together again. Mrs. MoN returns with me on Sunday so at least tonight is my last night alone.

Around the first of March I went off of the company expense account since I no longer had a house to pay for in Atlanta. So, trying to cut costs and save as much as possible, I now reside at the Budget Budget Suites. (Not a typo, that’s exactly how their sign reads) It’s a rathole, but what can you do? It was costing $5,000 a month to stay in real hotels, plus this is the busiest time of the year in Las Vegas. I’ll write a post later about my two trips (and hopefully only two) trips to the local Family Dollar to buy $15 cookware—yes the whole set cost $15.

Work is the only thing in my life that is calming down. I’m really starting to get the hang of the new job, and I’m actually enjoying it.

I wasn’t sure I would return to the blog. I have missed it, but a close friend told me a few months ago that he didn’t read it, because he didn’t need to hear someone else make fun of Mississippi. I hope people see this as something else. Why would I need to make fun of MS? My family and most of my friends still live there. It also just happens to be the backdrop of where a lot of my funny moments in life take place. Let me know how you feel about this.

Soon this move will be over and I will hopefully return to my usual material—although I could really go off on immigration reform right now! There’s probably a few more posts though that I will write to talk about the screw ups that are bound to happen as I complete this relocation. Honestly, have you ever known anyone to have this much trouble moving???